Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Psalm 127: 4
I came across this verse after I’d led the breakout session on Missional Motherhood at our recent women’s retreat, and it’s the perfect picture of what I was trying to communicate. Just take a look at these instructions on arrow-making, specifically how to keep arrows straight:
- Doing what you can to make wooden arrows that are straight and want to stay straight.
- Store them sensibly.
- Straightening them as you need.
Bent or curved arrows aren’t useful. They will not reach their intended target, and evidently, keeping them straight takes effort.
So first, you must create the arrow as straight as possible with a reliable, quality wood. Then, you must take care with how they are stored. Storing them in bundles is one of the best ways to accomplish this. And finally, they will require re-straightening as you go. This means that the hunter or warrior will have to observe each arrow, noting the places where it is bent, and work on re-shaping it.
I think Solomon probably had first hand experience with arrow making and archery. Wisdom is having insight plus skill, and Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived. He did settle that dispute between those mothers and hand craft his own wedding chariot after all. He’s also the author of the book of Proverbs, and he has much to say about children and parents there. Here’s a familiar verse that seems to relate well to the children-as-arrows one:
Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
The arrow has to be trained, and so does the child.
Craft and maintain a straight arrow, and it will go in its intended direction.
Nurture and train a child in the way he should go, and he will also stay on a good and purposeful course.
Now, I know this doesn’t always happen as we hope. Children rebel and disappoint. Parents get angry, grow weary, and indulge rather than train. It is a fallen world indeed, and we are weak and broken people. But the instructions and explanations are there for us in God’s Word regardless, and we are not to lose heart in doing good.
If I were to translate the three step process listed above for maintaining straight arrows into child rearing steps, they would look like this:
- Teach your children earnestly.
- Nurture and protect your children diligently.
- Correct and discipline your children firmly and gently.
This is our task, our mission as mothers.
I think it may be one of the most difficult missions one could choose to be on.
I’ll tell you what I told the women (they were not all moms) in my session:
I’m coming to you as a mom at the end of an era. My last child graduates from high school next month and in the fall I will have no children living at home. That has not happened since 1995. I was 25 then. I’m 48 now. I’ll even have the privilege of becoming a mother-in-law this summer.
I’m coming to you as a mom who had a lot of lofty ideals and expectations about motherhood, stemming from good and bad places, and learned a lot about limitations and grace along the way.
I’m coming to you as a mom who is a bit weary from her years of active mothering, but also very grateful for those years and extremely hopeful about the years to come.
And I’m coming to you as the daughter of a mother who was incapable of properly mothering me. Sick in every way possible – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually – she unwittingly created a very misshapen arrow in me. When I finally realized it, I felt my own inadequacy as a mother deeply. I felt directionless and ill-prepared for life in general, let alone mothering a future generation. Sometimes I still do.
But God…
I could go on and on about how He became (and remains) the arrow-maker in my life, but that’s not the purpose of these posts. I want to encourage you in having a vision for your mothering, for your kids. Partly because I see moms giving in to unhealthy aspects of the culture and relinquishing their own biblical convictions. And partly because so many moms feel like I did – inadequate, ill-equipped, unworthy, and guilty. More often than not, it’s some combination of the two.
This was the description for the breakout session I led:
Do you have vision for your role as a mother? For the raising of your children? A woman’s call to bear and raise children is both a tremendous, God-designed privilege and an overwhelming task. It may just be the hardest job in the world. How can we do more than just survive it? Is there a way to go about it missionally and with much intentionality, but without crushing guilt? Does the Bible give us any direction for taking an active, but long-view approach in our mothering? Let’s talk about beginning with the end in mind, about prioritizing the call of motherhood, and about resting in God’s grace as we do.
Beginning with the end in mind.
Stephen Covey may have coined that term, but God was embodying it and commanding it long before The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People became a bestseller.
So, let’s talk about the target we’re shooting for. Let’s remember the biblical basis for cultivating a vision for our kids and how to work toward it. Let’s talk about the care and stewardship of these precious arrows, because…
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
Psalm 127: 5
Tomorrow: Stewards, Helpers, and Lifegivers: Things we learn about ourselves as women and mothers in Genesis 1-3.
Hope to see you then.